Birthdays. They’re meant to be a time for joy, a day to feel special, and a reason to celebrate another year of life. But, as I’ve realized, life isn’t the same for everyone. Some of us have parties filled with laughter, balloons, and people throwing cake with wild abandon, while others have a quiet candlelit moment, blowing out the flame alone, hoping the coming year will be kinder.

Is one of these better than the other? Not necessarily. But these different ways of celebrating say so much about the unique experiences, challenges, and dreams we all carry with us.

The Cake-Throwers: Parties, Laughter, and the Lightheartedness of It All

Let’s start with the crowd that knows how to throw a party! Picture this: friends and family gathered, music blasting, and a table spread of food (maybe with a few dishes that Aunt Linda proudly over-spiced). There’s dancing, there’s laughter, and eventually, the birthday cake comes out. Just as the birthday person leans in to blow out the candles, someone reaches forward and smashes their face into it! Everyone’s laughing. There’s frosting on people’s faces, clothes, and maybe even in their hair.

For some, this kind of carefree celebration comes easily. It’s a moment to let loose, to share joy and laughter with others, and to be surrounded by love. It’s the kind of birthday that leaves you with sore cheeks from smiling and maybe even a sore back from dancing. And sure, it’s messy, and maybe you’ll be finding sprinkles in odd places for weeks, but the sense of belonging is priceless. It’s a reminder that some of us have the privilege to celebrate big and loud, to feel safe and secure enough to laugh and dance like nothing else matters.

But not everyone’s life includes a room full of friends, laughter, and cake-smashing antics.

The Candle-Lighters: Quiet Strength in a Small Flame

Then there’s the quiet celebration—the solitary moment when someone lights a single candle, closes their eyes, and makes a wish in silence. No crowd, no music, just the soft glow of the flame and the sound of their own heartbeat. For these people, birthdays may bring up mixed emotions. Perhaps they’re struggling with difficult times, dealing with loss, or facing challenges that make it hard to celebrate.

In a world where social media constantly shows us images of extravagant parties and over-the-top birthday surprises, it’s easy to feel like we’re missing out if our own celebration is more humble. But let me say this loud and clear: there is beauty in this quiet, resilient kind of celebration too. That single candle represents something powerful. It’s a statement: “I am still here, and I am honoring myself in this moment.”

Maybe you’re dealing with things no one else sees, or maybe the year behind you was rough and left scars. But lighting that candle? That takes strength. It’s a reminder that even in the toughest times, you’re still worthy of celebrating yourself.

Life’s Different Rhythms

The thing is, life isn’t a one-size-fits-all. For some of us, joy is loud, filled with people and sound. For others, joy is quiet, found in small moments of peace. And this doesn’t just apply to birthdays. Think about the way people handle success, love, grief, or even their morning coffee routines—everyone has their own rhythm.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparison, especially when everyone’s lives seem so accessible (and picture-perfect) online. But we’re all walking our own unique paths, filled with ups and downs that shape us differently. It’s why some people are ready to throw cake and dance until dawn, while others need a peaceful moment to just breathe and feel grateful for another year.